A STATISTICAL BREAKDOWN OF THE AUDIENCE AT A MY BLOODY VALENTINE SHOW IN SEATTLE IN 2018

Last night at The Paramount Theatre, legendary Dublin rock band My Bloody Valentine unleashed a torrent of noise and melody upon an entirely suspecting crowd. The setlist spanned their career, largely focusing on their legacy-defining opus Loveless.

Also, they didn’t play an encore, which was great. They played for two straight hours, killed it, and left. None of this fake “OH I GUESS WE’LL COME BACK” bs.

Given the band’s decade-spanning career, as well as their combination of dreamy melodies, ear-splitting noise, shifting dynamics, ear-splitting noise, melancholic introverted imagery, ear-splitting noise, pop touches, and ear-splitting noise, they draw fans from many different groups. People of all ages, class brackets, races, and subgenre-identification who could possibly be interested in a band described as above love My Bloody Valentine.

Below is a completely accurate, scientifically calibrated breakdown of the crowd makeup at last night’s My Bloody Valentine show at the Paramount Theater, in Seattle, Washington, July 17th 2018. The following research will be used in comprehensive studies that cross-reference this data with data culled from shows by Ride, Slowdive, and the inevitable Catherine Wheel reunion tour. Expect a full report, with it’s ramifications, out next year.

THE FULL BREAKDOWN:

  • %15: Tech Bros
  • % 8: Heretofore undamaged eardrums
  • %17: That one girl from freshman year of college. . . you think? I mean, she wasn’t into this sort of thing then, but you could swear it’s her
  • % 5: Human beings constructed entirely from spare distortion pedal parts
  • %28: Kevin Shield’s guitar pedal
  • % 3: Beach folk! It’s still July, after all
  • %67: Music writers who once worked in record stores
  • % 9: Me
  • % 4: Paul Allen, probably
  • %12: Goths who don’t like it when you call them Goth
  • % 4: Your Dad’s cool friend
  • %17: People lost in the wash of noise, watching the mesmerizing visuals, realizing that life is both incredibly short and infinitely long and that it is truly in these moments– these moments— that our fleeting existence is given a truly transcendent value, even if it is briefly snuffed out, like a candle, or blown away like the wings of a butterfly in a tornado.
  • %10: Ex-boyfriend
  • 7: Some pretty good haircuts

Also published on Medium.