JEAN SEGURA SHOULD BE AN ALL-STAR

Jean Segura is the best Mariners shortstop since Carlos Guillen (one of my favorite Mariners ever), and like Carlos Guillen, he is large and underrated, and therefore he (Jean Segura) should be an All-Star.

I’ve been told by my wife and certain women friends that Jean Segura is a “thicc zaddy,” and I guess I agree. He is also hitting .330, which is a very thicc and impressive batting average, and can hit for power. Jean has a big bat, which in baseball circles means he is a good hitter and is figuratively true, but he also has a big bat in that it is literally A. Big. Bat. He uses a much larger bat than most men his size.

Anyway, this doesn’t make much sense and it’s mildly objectifying, but whatever, Jean Segura is rad and better than just about any American League shortstop except Francisco Lindor or Manny Machado, and those guys are a big fuckin’ deal.

Vote for Jean Segura. We can still make this right. If nothing else, do it to fight East Coast bias.

This post has been edited to reflect the fact that thicc should be spelled like that, not like thick.


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